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Submitted by Allison Curletto

Remember the worm-tunnels in that silly 80’s movie, Tremors? The group of young scientists that went out into the desert and discovered these weird giant gopher-looking trails? It takes them until half-way through the movie to figure out what makes them, and, when they do find out, the creatures are totally alien-looking monsters.

That same storyline is taking place on the top of my belly. During the Easter Sunday service, for example, I sat in my pew and looked down at my belly as I feel the all too familiar twitches of baby movement. I wore a silver silk dress my cousin lent me that day and it lay smoothly against my skin. The little lump that was twitching under my skin suddenly started visably traveling a couple inches to the right. I elbowed Paul in enough time for him to see Baby B’s fist make the trip back, like a moving worm-hole, toward my center again at the end her stretch. Kind of an errie occurance to watch – especially at church when you imagine a rebellious exercist baby fighting the sounds of godly hymns and prayer (taking after her Dad, I guess, who squirms through most church services!).

Paul finds these movements a bit unnerving. I’ll put his hand on a hard lump and, at first, he’s curious – he’ll keep it there and wait. But, as soon as the lump starts traveling somewhere or moves up toward him, his “heebie-jeebie” factor becomes too strong. His hand flies off and he’ll mutter something while shaking his head. Sort of like those scientists in the movie Tremors who have this curious, but terrifying experience with their discovery.

I, on the other hand, have become more like Bill Murray in Caddyshack. I’m constantly seeking those hard lumps, trying to figure out where “the gopher” will be next. I’m fascinated, nearly obsessed, trying to figure out what the lump is: a foot, an elbow, a head, a bum? I haven’t got to the point of wanting plastic explosives to get my answer, thank goodness, but the game does intrigue me. It’s easy for me to check up on “Baby B.” “Baby A” is too far under my belly to monitor and she hides much deeper into the insides while “B” likes to lie pretty close to the surface just above my belly button. Keeping my hand on my belly, I’m able to ascertain how she is lying (small lumps are feet or elbows/fists; medium hard lump is her head; large softer lump is her bum) and can feel the rhythmic pattern of her hiccoughs every once in awhile.

One of the sweetest things to happen to me lately was receiving a letter in the mail from a colleague from work. The letter contained a card that read “For the Mother-To-Be” and was my first greeting for a Mothers’ Day. I’m almost there and next year it will be “official.” However, to be fair, I realize that I haven’t experienced the real hard-work part of motherhood. The twins, at this point, are pretty much on cruise control and auto-pilot. There have been some unique lessons and experiences, however, and with this Mothers’-To-Be Day, here are a couple examples that come to mind…

You know you’re a Mother-To-Be when:

1. you only have 2 sleep position options left: the left side and the right side. Both make you sore and are very tiresome!
2. you sleep in 2-hour cycles with a trip to the bathroom in between each one and a trip to the kitchen between every other
3. you feel there’s an anchor pulling you at a 45-degree angle towards the ground
4. you can no longer sit like a lady and skirts are no longer an option unless they reach the ground
5. your entire stomach moves on it’s own and beyond your control
6. your husband can no longer watch you dress without covering his eyes and saying, “Ouch!”
7. you can no longer cut or paint your own toenails
8. your husband has to shave your legs for you
9. it takes strategic planning to get out of the bathtub or out of bed
10. you can no longer reach when you “wipe from the front”
11. you enjoy being barefoot and having your stomach rubbed with lotion
12. you spend most of your internet time searching for deals on baby supplies and preparations
13. when stretch marks make your belly look more like a tortoise shell than actual skin
14. your girth is broader than your husband’s shoulders
15. you’re thankful for sympathy weight because it means you don’t actually catch up to your husband’s weight!
16. you start enjoying the color pink and buy the frilly dresses you swore you’d never consider
17. you’re supposedly at the height of your “femininity,” but nothing you do nor any sound you make seems anything close to feminine.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who are actually mothers and for all the Mothers-To-Be, like me!

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Written by Allison Curletto, who blogs at The Curletto Family.

Follow us throughout our growth. Paul and I discovered that we are expecting twin girls. We are fascinated, and a little intimidated, by the whole change and welcome your wonder and support.